I know. [ she says simply, placing the empty glass down on the bar. she makes eye contact with the bartender and nods for another. ] But it doesn't make me feel any less... powerless. I guess death is sort of bullshit like that.
[ yelena huffs out a laugh at her observation and leans against the bar to look at wanda. she rests her head on her hand and watches the other woman. she can see the weight of grief on her. she didn't mean for this to become about her grief but it is a constant. she sits up straight when the bartender returns with her drink.
it gives her a moment to consider what she wants to say next. yelena doesn't know how to explain that she's the younger, unknown sister of natasha romanoff. ]
You know the [ she gestures with her fingers ] "blip"? I came back and... she was not here. Just an empty grave and a tombstone. [ yelena smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes. ]
[perhaps it's easy for the likes of them—the strong kind, with a range of abilities and skills that puts them out of range of what normal humans should be—to forget that death is still a very permanent and real consequence of what they do. it was ever present in wanda's mind, because of what happened to her parents, and her constant reminder to her brother to be more mindful; that one of these days he was going to get shot.
it seemed like everyone she ever loved was destined to meet their end, sooner rather than later.]
I'm sorry.
[an empty grave and a tombstone—that sounds like it stretches beyond a person who died during the time everyone was gone.]
But... what do you mean, she was not there? How could her grave be empty?
[ even with her abilities, even with the absolute trust she had in her training yelena knew that death was always one step behind her. with the control the red room had on her, it could be at any second. if she were compromised or made a mistake or got hurt. it was the death of others she couldn't quiet reconcile. the ones she cared about, the few she considered family or friend.
yelena gives a shrug in response. she is too. but it doesn't accomplish much. ]
They never found her body. [ she says with a shrug, looking into the vodka as if it might have answers. ] So they put up a tombstone and forgot about how important she was to the world.
[wanda thinks there is closure in burying a body. her own ventures in burying her brother in what used to be sokovia brought little comfort despite the fact, but after losing vision—after not having a body to bury—she understands the desperation that comes with it and is glad that pietro did have a final place of rest.
she thinks, too, of the funeral tony stark had; thinks of how steve rogers aged and would thus allow himself to succumb to old age; thinks of how the only one they didn't get to bury was natasha, someone wanda came to respect and learn a lot from. clint is important to her, so that made her feel worse, too.
if only they knew they were both familiar with the same woman.]
When my brother died, [she wrings at her fingers, uncomfortable,] the pain never went away. Time passed and people just thought I should be better. Other things took precedence, but I never forgot.
For others that are not affected directly, it's not as difficult to move on.
[wanda sets her hands, palms flat, on the counter.]
I always remember my brother. The proof of his importance to me is in my heart, not a tombstone in a country that no longer exists.
[is it comforting? wanda hopes she's able to express something succinct.]
[ she doesn't think a body to bury would help. in fact, she knows it wouldn't. the only thing that would help is impossible and yelena hates thinking about it. but knowing the grave is empty feels so unfinished. it feels unfair but she figures she'd feel that way anyway but not knowing where she is... is worse.
yelena doesn't expect to hear the truth. people are so easy with lies about healing over time; how it'll hurt less. she looks at wanda with soft eyes, understanding the grief she still feels. yelena takes a sip of her drink. it's more comforting than it should be but she lets it sit for a moment to make sure. there's no anger or frustration. yelena appreciates the truth. it feels genuine, even if it doesn't make her feel better. ]
I guess it's good to know there's no end to this. [ she says earnestly. waiting for an end is worse than learning there isn't one. she shrugs. ] Better than waiting to feel ok and never feeling it.
[ there's a part of her that doesn't want to let go of needing the closure of natasha's body. but yelena knows she has a point. even if it's not satisfying. she doesn't have to like it for it to be the truth. there will be no closure and yelena has to find her peace in that. ]
Or maybe I'll just kill the person who did it. [ she says with a half-hearted laugh because yelena is only partially joking. ] Seems like a fair trade.
I can't really recommend going out on dates with random men and threatening to kill them as a healthy coping mechanism.
[she recognizes that yelena is partially joking, so wanda returns the favor. the conversation went into deep territory, so a little bit of levity helps bring the mood up a little.
speaking of the dead is never easy, but they don't have to be forever somber about it.]
It might seem silly, but... talking about it might help more. [wanda remembers when steve would try to talk to her; she remembers how helpful it was, and how nice it felt, when vision would sit with her and just keep her company, even when the right words wouldn't come out. she takes a deep breath, and starts.] My brother's name was Pietro Maximoff. He died protecting others, being reckless as always, but brave enough to be a hero.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ yelena huffs out a laugh at her observation and leans against the bar to look at wanda. she rests her head on her hand and watches the other woman. she can see the weight of grief on her. she didn't mean for this to become about her grief but it is a constant. she sits up straight when the bartender returns with her drink.
it gives her a moment to consider what she wants to say next. yelena doesn't know how to explain that she's the younger, unknown sister of natasha romanoff. ]
You know the [ she gestures with her fingers ] "blip"? I came back and... she was not here. Just an empty grave and a tombstone. [ yelena smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes. ]
no subject
it seemed like everyone she ever loved was destined to meet their end, sooner rather than later.]
I'm sorry.
[an empty grave and a tombstone—that sounds like it stretches beyond a person who died during the time everyone was gone.]
But... what do you mean, she was not there? How could her grave be empty?
no subject
yelena gives a shrug in response. she is too. but it doesn't accomplish much. ]
They never found her body. [ she says with a shrug, looking into the vodka as if it might have answers. ] So they put up a tombstone and forgot about how important she was to the world.
no subject
she thinks, too, of the funeral tony stark had; thinks of how steve rogers aged and would thus allow himself to succumb to old age; thinks of how the only one they didn't get to bury was natasha, someone wanda came to respect and learn a lot from. clint is important to her, so that made her feel worse, too.
if only they knew they were both familiar with the same woman.]
When my brother died, [she wrings at her fingers, uncomfortable,] the pain never went away. Time passed and people just thought I should be better. Other things took precedence, but I never forgot.
For others that are not affected directly, it's not as difficult to move on.
[wanda sets her hands, palms flat, on the counter.]
I always remember my brother. The proof of his importance to me is in my heart, not a tombstone in a country that no longer exists.
[is it comforting? wanda hopes she's able to express something succinct.]
no subject
yelena doesn't expect to hear the truth. people are so easy with lies about healing over time; how it'll hurt less. she looks at wanda with soft eyes, understanding the grief she still feels. yelena takes a sip of her drink. it's more comforting than it should be but she lets it sit for a moment to make sure. there's no anger or frustration. yelena appreciates the truth. it feels genuine, even if it doesn't make her feel better. ]
I guess it's good to know there's no end to this. [ she says earnestly. waiting for an end is worse than learning there isn't one. she shrugs. ] Better than waiting to feel ok and never feeling it.
[ there's a part of her that doesn't want to let go of needing the closure of natasha's body. but yelena knows she has a point. even if it's not satisfying. she doesn't have to like it for it to be the truth. there will be no closure and yelena has to find her peace in that. ]
Or maybe I'll just kill the person who did it. [ she says with a half-hearted laugh because yelena is only partially joking. ] Seems like a fair trade.
:>
[she recognizes that yelena is partially joking, so wanda returns the favor. the conversation went into deep territory, so a little bit of levity helps bring the mood up a little.
speaking of the dead is never easy, but they don't have to be forever somber about it.]
It might seem silly, but... talking about it might help more. [wanda remembers when steve would try to talk to her; she remembers how helpful it was, and how nice it felt, when vision would sit with her and just keep her company, even when the right words wouldn't come out. she takes a deep breath, and starts.] My brother's name was Pietro Maximoff. He died protecting others, being reckless as always, but brave enough to be a hero.