send help

( it could be part of the training. he doesn't really know. what he does know is, despite wanting to relax, he's struggled with it for over a decade now, and despite yelena's efforts and whatever hopes he tries not to put too much weight into, the inaction feels like a special form of suffocation. the fact he was forced along means he had to prepare himself for failure—also making an utter fool of himself—but it's too late to reclaim whatever dignity he should keep, because he's always made excuses for a reason, and lena should already know better. this isn't his fault.

flopping uncomfortably again, he huffs, muttering defiantly, )

I'm trying.

( the comfort just feels overwhelming, and the soldier doesn't know how to process the sensation passively. )